#idk that just doesn't do it for me XD
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
prayerplanthoarder · 3 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
Look what I found in a local hardware store! 🥰✨ The Thai Beauty looks a little beat up, but for 1,99€ each you can't go wrong. I've been thinking about adding a Fusion White to my collection again, since humidity is pretty high in this apartment and almost no issues with pests for the last 1,5 years, but didn't even think it was possible to find such a tiny one, and I don't have the space for a big one (let alone 2). And now I not only found a tiny Fusion White but also a tiny Thai Beauty?! If that's not fate idk what is 😁✨
4 notes · View notes
blu-ish · 1 year ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
and then he gets arrested lmao (dumbass/affectionate)💙❤️
(Part One)--(Part Two)
806 notes · View notes
worstloki · 14 days ago
Text
ok ok im thinking about ace fx having a crush on MQ and they're friends it's chill for 800 years and FX is very happy with it because no one is going to take his place with MQ since their relationship is pretty unique and special with all the fighting and working together amazingly and it's not like MQ is going to get a love interest with his cultivation but then XL returns and the book plot happens and MQ mentions switching cultivation paths because XL seems happy not having to worry about the abstinence stuff and it does seem like a troublesome criteria when there are so many other paths open to take on instead BUT FX is like. NO. he keeps arguing on it. he comes up with reasons that make a bit of sense but really he does not want MQ to consider potential love interests because they're not going to be him!! fx doesn't want anything to do with romance either but if mq isn't going to have his vows in the way what's stopping him from being *more* friends with other people? what's stopping him from finding someone to have sex with and obviously that person will mean more to him than FX will? he does not want to lose his friend :(
#meanwhile MQ wanted to not have to worry about like 10 other things that are on the criteria list because like#he would like to have a drink every now and then because fx does it and he doesn't get to drink with him bc of the cultivation#like very much the cultivation comes up and feels he has to bail on friend activities but FX... doesn't want him to not do that????#MQ like what does he mean who would want to sleep with me does he think no one would want to>????? FENG XIN???????#they get to fight about it and FX can cry#idk#MQ says he wants to change cultivation since most officials don't even follow a path and they're fine#and FX just loses it he is shaking sobbing cannot sleep knowing MQ is going to go out there and do stuff in the world#XD#let him be a little possessive and sad as a treat#let him lay catatonic in bed knowing everyone he has ever loved left him behind#tgcf#fx like no NO!!! do NOT let mq out of his enclosure!!! don't DO IT!!!!!! 😭😭😭 he is my friend 😭😭😭😭😭#mq lowkey hinting that he thinks he could *like* people and it'd be a nice weight off his shoulders and fx is writhing around#thinking that's twice as bad because the potential dating pool is bigger#fx thinks if mq is glad xl is happy then it means he must like women (he's not like fx) and maybe even men? (he's not like fx)#and it kills him inside#it's not that he wants MQ to be lonely and loveless forever but he thought they both had a good thing that they could be that way together#that maybe MQ would be just as happy as him and that would be enough but of course it isn't#FX should have known better
10 notes · View notes
yellowhollyhock · 2 months ago
Text
Posting a timeline for myself so I don't get confused writing in this space but now that it's getting organized it is become a Thing. So, 2003 turtles headcanons and eventual future
November 1992: Splinter attends first Battle Nexus, turtles 4
November 1995: Battle Nexus, turtles 7; Usagi saves Splinter from Drako, he looks about 9
November 1998: Battle Nexus, turtles 10
November 2001: Battle Nexus
May 14, 2003: boys 15th birthday (shared, on different years they either celebrate together or each get a day close to it)
June 2003-February 2004: Season 1 (April 25, Casey 27)
February 2004-November 2004: Season 2. turtles turn 16 between Reflections and The Ultimate Ninja. Battle Nexus is November 2004
December 2004-September 2005: Season 3. Turtles turn 17 between Worlds Collide Part III and Touch and Go. Exodus in late September
September 2005-August 2006: Usagi visits in January; Leo is with the Ancient one February-March. Turtles turn 18 in the Cretaceous which becomes confusing to keep track of (do they ever tell Splinter they had two 18th birthdays? probably less confusing to only count one since it's only three extra months)
September 2006: s5 starts, Angel leaving for college while turtles are being taken by Tribunal.
March 2007: final battle with Shredder
May 2007: turtles turn 19
October 2007-October 2008: turtles get yoinked to the future. B Team bonding and worrying: Leatherhead, Professor, Professor Honeycutt, Angel, Justice Force. April trying to make 2nd Time Around happen, also hitting that inter-dimensional portal project again with Augie's help (not unreasonable for her to assume that's where they are). Turtles turn 20 in the future. Turtle Fam misses Battle Nexus 2007 (Usagi champion mayhaps? He'd be 22)
April 22, 2009: Casey and April wed
May 2009: turtles turn 21; Angel moves back home, works as a hair stylist
August 2009: April announces pregnancy, and at the same time she and Don have begun work on O'Neil Technologies
Spring 2010: Leo starts a dojo, his brothers all help when they can. Cassandra is born (April 17). turtles turn 22
Summer 2010: Raph and Casey start a shelter. April begins hiring help for O'Neil Technologies (Irma, Leatherhead, Professor Honeycutt).
November 2010: Battle Nexus year! Leo reconnects with Usagi. Mikey wins again.
December 2010: Leo announces his intention to go to Japan to train with the Ninja Tribunal
February 2011: Neutrinos come to earth to talk business with O'Neil Tech. Leo leaves shortly thereafter; Mikey is now the main turtle in charge of the dojo.
Spring 2011: Donny and Angel start dating; anti-mutant sentiment on the rise, Bishop apparently busy again. Raph very stressed about Bishop and wanting to be able to handle it without Leo; oh btw Mikey would like to pursue a college degree. Oyuki gets a job at dojo
October-December 2011: Mikey disappears; Leo returns, furious that things were allowed to get as bad as they did and the Ninja Tribunal didn't tell him his family was in danger (he thought they would because TAO did). When Mikey is rescued (from Bishop) his arm is infected and must be amputated.
Spring 2012: Turtles meet Mona Lisa, who explains how mutagen is being leaked purposely in areas suspected of harboring aliens, to give hate groups credibility as well as punish those (like her) who stick up for aliens. Splinter begins writing a book. Turtles are banding together with other non-humans as world becomes more hostile. Oyuki joins O'Neil Tech team
Summer 2012: Leo and Splinter visit Usagi; Mikey is determined to get back to work on his degree; O'Neil Tech recruits Harold. Mikey and Oyuki start dating
Fall 2012: Usagi visits turtles world; Leo takes the Dojo back up so Mikey can focus on school
January 2013: Donny proposes to Angel
April 2013: rival tech company developing robots with alarming level of sentience and then abusing them (Nano followup basically), April and Donny find themselves fighting for robot rights which makes O'Neil Technologies both a laughingstock and a target. btw Neutrino crew returns to work there. Mikey is now dating Ia
Summer 2013: Turtles gather allies and make a plan to come out of hiding; being in the shadows hasn't been working, people are suspicious and afraid, there's lots more lives at risk now, they need to rethink their strategy. Angel gets badly injured. Turtles meet Punk Frogs
November 2013: Raph Battle Nexus champion (their family is going to be banned for winning too often 🤣)
January 2014: enter Timothy. Raph enjoying socializing with other mutants, especially close with Mona and Genghis. Mikey depressed that they aren't the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (now we're just, like... regular mutant ninja turtles), breakup with Ia
Spring 2014: Donny's secret therapy, unfortunately coinciding with TAO moving to NYC. Much conflict in general as bros all want to stay living together but have different life goals, plus there's Angel now and Raph has basically been living with Mona Lisa and Genghis Frog and Mikey's very busy at school and etc. etc. In other news, Raph finds a baby mutant turtle named Lita. Mikey dates and breaks up with Woody
Summer 2015: Karai invites the family to Japan. Chaplin wants Donny and April's input on a robotics project gone wrong, Karai is finding herself freshly mourning her father and seeking advice/understanding of family history from TAO and Splinter. Time travel shenanigans.
December 2015-October 2016: Ch'rell jailbreak, space adventure to stop him (he has of course moved on from the idea of conquering earth, his goal now is to get away from the utroms and find a planet where he can steadily build up an empire until he is able to plan revenge). And they all get home just in time to take 6 y/o Cassandra and 3 y/o Lita trick or treating
November 2016: Lotus Blossom wins the Battle Nexus, befriends turtles. Her and Leo quietly become pen pals
January-August 2017: speaking of Cassandra she wants to be a ninja. Also Splinter falls ill. Donny builds them a Place (in NYC) to all stay so they can be close to him, and also start her training (strictly recreational (I'm sure that will work out for them))
May 2018: Agent John Bishop is abducted by aliens. Mikey finishes his masters!
August 2018: Leo and Usagi break up for good; April and Casey announce second pregnancy
October 2018: Cody arrives to ask for help with O'Neil Tech in his time
March 2019: Splinter passes
May 2019: send Cody home
July 3, 2019: Nova Lynn is born (Cassandra is 9, Lita is 6)
November 2019: Battle Nexus year, turtles miss
December 2019-January 2020: Mikey and Kala start dating; Casey and Timothy accidentally go on adventures across dimensions and get banned from the lab
May 2018-September 2020: Bishop has a stolen spaceship now, crashes on his way back to earth, gets rescued by aliens, spends time there healing and has his change of heart, returns to find Earth in the middle of a pandemic.
January 22, 2021: Leo and Lotus wed
Fall 2021: Angel's dad attempts to get back in touch with his adult children
November 2022: Battle Nexus Year; Leo wins, Donny does not participate (Mikey is much more sad about this than Don is)
June 13, 2023: Mikey and Kala wed
also in 2024: Bishop runs for President on the premise of intergalactic peace (he loses). April recruits Bishop for O'Neil Tech; he turns her down and disappears. Mikey and Kala rescue and adopt triplet robots Alli, Jax, and Zinnia (renamed from 003a, 003x, and 003z)
November 2025: Battle Nexus year, Mikey takes back his title
2032: Bishop, now going by a different name, becomes governor of New York
12 notes · View notes
yamsgarden · 4 months ago
Text
Just some more Still Wakes the Deep blah blah, but omg having just been diagnosed Diabetes type 1 myself recently, it makes me only love and feel for Roy 10X more...
This shit is litteraly poison, but so does the food we eat with how much sugar there is in ugh OTL
Never thought in a million year I had DT1, I had 0 symptoms and am in pretty good shape, but then suddenly, organs are starting to hurt really badly out of nowhere...
Don't wait too long poeple and check with your doctors even if there's ''nothing'' T0T and to all Diabetic ppl out there, keep on fighting 💪✨
19 notes · View notes
art-of-wackylurker · 1 year ago
Note
WAVES H10 YURAND
[Prompt Game]
Me: No fear
Waves palette: *exists*
Me: One fear
Tumblr media Tumblr media
there ya go. Have some whump
15 notes · View notes
peony-pearl · 2 years ago
Text
Zuko mentions to Ursa he would like for his little siblings to come to the Fire Nation to enjoy the summer festival.
By saying ‘siblings’ she knows he’s talking about Chiyo and Katsu - Ozai’s children.
Ursa, Noren and Kiyi have taken residence at the Fire Nation palace for years now, ever since Ursa was discovered on the outskirts of Hira’a. Once Zuko got the information out of Ozai just over ten years ago where his mother had taken up residence, he was escorted there by Aang to reunite with her. Ursa did not hesitate to return to her children once Zuko lifted her banishment, and she was a key figure in Azula’s recovery.
When Ozai broke out of prison, Ursa was a driving force in trying to find him after he threatened Azula’s life. Knowing he was out there, free, for the past decade has haunted her.
And then, just two years ago, Zuko and Azula received news of his whereabouts... and they found him with the help of Aang, Katara and June.
And they let him keep his freedom.
Zuko’s explanation of the events sounded like a bad dream. Ursa listened to her boy, whom Ozai had savagely scarred as a child, defend his decision after seeing Ozai happy out in some Earth Kingdom farm with a new family.
She was speechless. Zuko had left children in the midst of this monster.
Azula was the one who was more critical of her father’s new life. She vented to Ursa about the pain of seeing him so happy with this naive, sheltered woman who decided to stay with Ozai even after learning about his past. Regardless, Azula would eventually begin receiving letters from both the woman, Niwa, and from her younger sister, Chiyo.
And then Zuko dropped the bombshell.
Chiyo was an Airbender.
Ursa spoke to Aang upon his return with Zuko and Azula. He seemed over the moon, to not only learn there was another Airbender in the world, but she was the descendant of one of Aang’s fellow Southern Air Temple residents, and this revelation gave him hope that there could be more Airbenders in waiting out in the world.
And yet, despite all of this... Ursa could only remember the man who who began denying her as a wife when his lust for the crown became stronger; the man who planted the seeds of lies to his daughter of her being a monster, seeds that blossomed into a beautiful, deadly flower. A flower that he ripped out of it’s garden bed and crushed under his boot when she was no longer useful. And Zuko, the son that he turned against and berated and scolded when all he ever did was his best, until the day he finally tried to step into more assertive shoes earned him a permanently damaged eye.
“So...” Zuko begins to speak. “I’ve thought about inviting dad and Niwa and the kids. I’ll make sure he doesn’t come around you, or Noren or Kiyi. But... he’s kept his end of his promise so far. I’ve thought it was only fair to extend a hand back to him.”
Ursa knew the promise: to write to Zuko and Azula, and to maintain a form of communication on a regular basis.
Zuko also regularly received letters from Niwa and Chiyo, and each one ensured truth to Ozai’s words. Even Azula, who often worried that Ozai was telling Chiyo what to write, would read her little sister’s letters that contained questions and thoughts only a seven year old could ask.
Ursa sighs as Zuko makes his case; he stumbles as he sees his mother’s unhappiness. “I-I can have them stay on the other side of the palace,” he says. Azula sits next to Ursa; Aang sits next to her.
Azula squeezes her mother’s hand. “Or we don’t have to invite him.”
Zuko nods, albeit reluctantly, to his sister’s suggestion. Azula becomes miffed.
“Why are you so adamant to see him here?”
“I’m not! I just-”
“You’ve asked every year since we found him if he can visit.”
“That’s only two years, Azula,” Zuko sighs. “Uncle’s been asking about him too.”
“Well, Uncle’s senile,” Azula crossed her arms.
“Azula,” Ursa gently admonished her daughter, who turned her gaze away as she pouted.
Aang touched Azula’s knee, but remained focused on Zuko. “Maybe just invite the kids?”
Zuko shook his head. “Katsu is only two, and to give up her kids so suddenly for a week may not be easy for Niwa.”
Aang grinned at Azula. “It would be good practice though.”
“Get your head out of those clouds; no kids until those vows are said,” Azula smirked.
“You keep declining my engagement!”
“This is a talk for another time,” Azula hissed quietly.
Ursa, having maintained her silence, wrings her hands together. “... Zuko, in the end, you are the Fire Lord. And this is your home.”
Zuko shakes his head. “Yeah, but-”
Ursa holds up her hand. “I admit. I am not keen on seeing him again. Ever again. But... I know this is something you’ve felt strongly about. Ultimately, the decision is yours to make. I simply ask that you inform me of the decision so I can... make arrangements.”
Azula grinned. “Poison arrangements?” She asked, nudging her mother’s ribs. Ursa chuckled.
“If only I could be so lucky.”
“Guys,” Zuko said in exasperation. “Look... I’ll just invite them next y-”
“No, stop it.” Azula rolled her eyes. “Just tell them to come. Spirits, you’re such a downer, Zuzu.”
“Yeah, Zuzu,” Aang echoed his fiancee. Zuko shot him a tired look.
“I agree,” Ursa said. “Invite them. Besides; should anything go wrong, we have you three to keep him in his place; and Kiyi is becoming more proficient in her own bending.”
“Yeah; if he pulled anything we could take him!” Aang agreed.
Ursa could see the look on Zuko’s face though; but still, he nodded and watched as Aang and Azula decided to retire to bed. Ursa lingered, waiting to talk to her son in private.
“Zuko,” she said, reaching out to touch his shoulder. “You don’t owe him any-”
“This isn’t about owing him. I know where I stand on what dad did to me; to us.”
“And yet you’re so hopeful to see him again.”
“Is it wrong to hope for a new path? I found mine, mom. Outside of the Fire Nation. Away from him. I found my life, my meaning. And so has he. I saw it. I saw him experience a life he’d become fully invested in. I saw two happy kids; a beautiful home... And...”
“... And?” Ursa asked.
Zuko swallowed.
“... And I was so mad he found it without us. But you know what? I also found my path without Azula. And... she’ll always have that in her mind. But she’s forgiven me.”
“She could not control the struggles you faced.”
“As I couldn’t control hers; and I’ll always have dad’s favoritism to remember. We’ve all been subjected to lives we didn’t want. Dad was one of them. So were you.”
Ursa folded her arms in front of her, looking much like her daughter. Zuko pleaded to her, still not quite over the fact that he was so much taller, and yet he still spoke to her like she towered over him.
“Mom... The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But there’s a part of me that wants to see this through. He’s my father. And I’ve hated him, and part of me still hates him. But after everything I’ve learned... if Aang can forgive me for everything I allowed to happen to him and his friends... if Uncle can forgive me for turning away from him, I want to know I can reciprocate that.”
“You don’t have to forgive him.”
“Mom, I haven’t. I will never forgive him for what he did to me, or Azula, or you. But I feel like I have an obligation, as the Fire Lord, to make sure he’s not causing trouble. I called off the searches once I saw how much he’s changed. Others have done the same for me. Time goes on. He... He looked out for me back when we were looking for Chiyo. I was hurt and he stayed with me.”
Ursa’s eyes widened as Zuko recalled the event to her for the first time.
“When I told him we would find Chiyo he was thankful for me. I... Sometimes I think maybe now... Maybe now I could get to know my dad-”
“Zuko you don’t have to.”
“I know I don’t. But it’s my decision. I respect every bit of advice I get from you but this is something... something I need to do for myself. If Azula never wants to see him again after this, I will never invite him again.”
Ursa reached out to hold her son’s hand.
“And you’re not scared?” She asked. Zuko laughed.
“Mom, I’m terrified.”
Ursa’s face became one of determination.
“Then I will be right here with you.”
“I’m not scared that he’ll hurt me,” Zuko insisted. “Like you said, we can handle him if he were to become a threat.”
Ursa clasped Zuko’s hand tightly with both of hers. “But you’re still scared,” she said. “And I won’t let you be scared alone; not after I missed so many years.”
41 notes · View notes
quinn-of-aebradore · 11 months ago
Text
Downloaded some CC mods and naturally had to create a new Tav. Introducing Ari Ashbloom, a monk of noble heritage who's very confused about everything going on but she gets to punch people and the wizard and cleric are cute so she's making do.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
And her guardian, taking the appearance of her older sister Lillia, a cleric of Lathander. This will definitely not make certain things were and complicated for her later on. Not at all.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
9 notes · View notes
trouble-warning · 6 months ago
Text
It's Chews-day
Tumblr media
*nomnomnomnom*
2 notes · View notes
niyana-the-ambiguous-mobian · 7 months ago
Text
Why do certain coworkers have to get you so annoyed with them without even trying, and they don't realize how annoying/obnoxious they are?? Or worse, they KNOW how annoying they are but don't seem to care cause they find it funny?
It's like the silence and neutral expressions aren't enough of a hint that I don't think you're funny and you should just stop while you still have your dignity...
Longer rant in the tags cause it's a lot.
5 notes · View notes
paint-n-thinner · 2 years ago
Note
Not rlly an ask but YOUR FUCKIGN ARTS AMAZING WTF
Ur one of my top inspos istg <33
once my ass learns how to draw ur oc its over /pos
YOOOOO!!!! Thank you!!! Fr that's so kind :] ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️!!!
Tumblr media
25 notes · View notes
ladye-zelda · 9 months ago
Note
I saw your tags from the post a while ago about how the small details in totk Make up for the main story, and while I agree, I gotta say that the things some people say about the story being bare bones or whatever (and BOTW’s story to that extent) just…doesn’t make sense to me. Because I think the problem is with the execution rather than the writing. Like, BOTW was even more bare bones,because it was just a bunch of exposition. Not to say the story wasn’t good because it absolutely is, but it was minimal, imo. Anyway I said all that to say that I personally do think that totk has the better story, but the execution is worse and I think the open world format hurts it. And I think if people could look past that they could see how good it is. But of course that’s all just me. Neither game’s story is particularly great but I love them both. Anyway I did not intend for this to get so long but what do you think about that? I’m just curious 🙂
Sorry this took me a while to respond anon, I was trying to think of a way to respond XD
Yeah, I can definitely agree that the open world aspect hurts the story of Tears. I was thinking about this earlier, and I think Breath of the Wild's story worked because it is so barebones. The developers were able to develop the story around the gameplay, which has always been Nintendo's adjective for both of these games (and probably all of their games, though I am not too much on an expert on that in all honesty) first and foremost. And it worked, for the most part.
I do believe there can be no "perfect" Zelda game, and especially not one that can appease all Zelda fans (even the games that everyone praises to be perfect has their haters, though I guess hate is too strong of a word). I think the main downfall of Tears of the Kingdom was that it couldn't live up to fan's expectations and wants for the Zelda franchise. Tears of the Kingdom was always meant to be BotW+, since the developers had so many ideas for Breath of the Wild they had to make a second game in order to fit all of those ideas, which led to them repeating the same gameplay mechanics as Breath of the Wild.
Don't get me wrong, TotK's gameplay is good since it what made Breath of the Wild good as well, but because it's exactly like Breath of the Wild is what made it sour in the minds of players. I guess for the players who played other kinds of games in between Breath of the Wild and Tears of the Kingdom allowing them time to do something else, it isn't so bad. But for the players who play nothing but Zelda games or who were late into getting into the Zelda franchise (such as myself) it can be a little... repetitive (and I'm mainly talking about the quests, shrines, and the same mechanic of unlocking a terminal in a dungeon found in both botw and totk). Hence why I was so drawn all to the other world discoveries not unlocked by doing a side quest, which I think is the greatest improvement TotK brought imo.
In terms of TotK's story... I don't hate it exactly, but I will say I will prefer BotW's better. I still kind of need to analyze the story of TotK fully for myself to draw any real conclusions for me; my biggest problem is how it completely erases BotW's story from it's story. Sure, half a dozen years has passed in between games (both in-game and irl) but surely the impact of defeating the Calamity would've left something... bigger. Like, wouldn't word have gone around that Link was the one to have defeated the darkness looming the castle? They could've at least acknowledged him directly instead of pulling a Tony Hawk and saying "oh you have the same name as that guy who defeated that evil some time ago". I will give them the benefit of the doubt, but then again everyone knows Zelda and he has never her side so, ???. Sorry, didn't mean to rant there. It was kind of a frustration I felt along with many others while playing the game. Main story-wise I don't have any real issues other than you're seriously telling me that there was another ancient civilization before the previous civilization that had even more ancient technology? It kind of pushes my suspension of disbelief (and once again repeating things from BotW).
Anyways, thank you for sharing your opinion anon! Once again I am immensely sorry it took me this long to come to it; tldr in my opinion I prefer Breath of the Wild's story over TotK's. You do make a lot of good points that I agree with, but I think it boils down to personal preference over which game is better due to how similar the games are, which can be a good thing or a bad thing depending on opinion.
Thank you so much for reaching out and discussing this with me!
2 notes · View notes
yuriyuruandyuraart · 2 years ago
Text
Tumblr media
okay okay i am technically studying for my upcoming exams, so i can't say i'll draw them immediately, but requests are now open!!!
yeah it's been ages since i've last opened those >:'Dc to be fair i never had the time (and i still don't honestly but shhh) and was already busy enough with ideas of my own to finish-
now tho? i'm dry on inspiration hhh so you're welcome to drop by and send me whatever comes to mind!! (utmv/undertale fandom stuff only tho) <333
18 notes · View notes
stuarts-randomplace · 1 year ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
a question and a power..... what stupid things i say XD
(i just did this for fun its not an au....
I don't know, I made a combination of the real basil and the headspace one :v
Tumblr media
maybe.....)
well maybe I will do an au I hope no
I already have a trauma with the au's thanks to undertale :'v (I mean, I start doing a lot of unnecessary au's ;-;)
7 notes · View notes
satanfemme · 2 years ago
Text
being both gnc and trans is so hard sometimes. it's like, I'll face adversity for being gnc/trans/whatever-strangers-read-me-as, and in addition to the normal base-level difficultly and pain and fear of these experiences, I'll also feel on some level like it's "my own fault" too because this is what I purposefully decided to be.
I often dress/act like a girl but have a deep voice/facial hair/flat chest -- and I opted in for all of those. I spent more money than I can conceptualize in order to medically transition in those ways. while, in theory, I could've saved the money, not transitioned, continued dressing/acting the same way as I do now, and the problem would no longer exist... in theory. ofc logically I know that's not at all how it works. if I hadn't transitioned I would feel even worse. and the way I'd experience & express gender would still be intrinsically different from "cis girl" -- that's true regardless of how my body looks or sounds. which should all go without saying, because I very obviously don't conform to my CAGAB either. if I did I wouldn't be in this mess!! u know?
...but the self-blame is still there, because for better or for worse I did go out of my way to become myself. <- feels like a truism.
#the other big self doubt-y issue I've been experiencing lately re: being gnc and trans#is feeling like I'm ''faking'' something. to sooo many people I've just come out as a femme/nonbinary man#with no mentions of my cagab cause that's not something I like to share around irl lol#and then I complain ofc about how I'm treated for being feminine. and everyone gives me sympathy which is nice#but it's hard to fully accept cause I wonder how many of them are assuming I was shunned the same way growing up.#when in reality I was punished for not being feminine *enough*.#and ik it shouldn't/doesn't matter in this context. I still struggled then and I still struggle now; they don't cancel out#but it almost feels like I ''tricked'' my way into a marginalization that I don't ''actually'' belong in. idk#like as if I'm ''secretly'' a girl and just pretending my normal girlhood is subversive for attention#or like I should have just been content with the relative safety of my assigned social role#(hm... where have I heard ''why can't you just be ok with being a girl?'' and ''they're just doing it for attention'' before 🤔)#it's def leaps of logic & self-directed transphobia all around but it's hard to shake#and there's a real fear somewhere mixed into it all too of ''what if someone finds out my cagab and decides I'm not actually trans/a man -#- by *their* transphobic logic. even if they previous supported me''.#anyway I hope no one minds the long vent-y post. I needed to sort out my emotions here lol#I have an old ''omg I love being confusing and ambiguous XD'' post gaining notes rn for some reason and#seeing it again while mentally working thru the above just made me feel ill and confused and guilty. feeling better now <3#and I do love being trans & I love being a femme & I love being a man with a broad and fluid gender#it's just hard too sometimes
30 notes · View notes
dead-or-alive-images · 2 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
0 notes